I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
