May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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