my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
