I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize