As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize