I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
