69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
