You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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