when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
