Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
