OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
