dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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