I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
