peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
