Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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