I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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