My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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