i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
