My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
