SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
