I'm drive I can fine osifer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
