i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
