i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
