if only i could text you this smell
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
