I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
