remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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