Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
