a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
