Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
