chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
