i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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