P.S. I can't hear my feet
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
