i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
