if only i could text you this smell
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
