exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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