and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
