the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
