I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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