you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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