Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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