I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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