Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just cropdusted the office
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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