i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
