Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
