Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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