I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My breasts were aching with rage.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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