She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
