oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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