All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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