if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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