I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
