I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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