If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
