Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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