i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
