There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
