The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.