He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.