i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize