he told me I talked like a deaf person
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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