After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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