he shaved USA in his pubs
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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