Hey man sorry I got all grabby
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
