My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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