a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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