the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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