his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
