He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
