shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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