clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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