I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
