Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
